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He’s the one whose opinion she solicits regarding how that shirt or those jeans look on her. And there will be plenty of times when both of those are in short supply. He’s still the one who hears that familiar intimacy in her voice when she’s talking about the details of daily life. Add to the fact that new years eve found them in NYC for the ball drop; another one of her “bucket list” experiences that she, yet again, ticked off with him. I missed something else that she will remember for the rest of her life. You just have to take it one step at a time and give all parties involved time to process the new paradigm and readjust their presuppositions. And knowing that she is trying to keep everything the same so he doesn’t suspect anything which means his All Access Pass is still active. The most mundane details of daily existence are the threads that bind us. He’s the one who goes to the grocery store with her. She is doing everything she can to not cause him more pain than necessary. I’ve met with him and apologized for the way things transpired. Knowing that something you must do in order to seek your own happiness will directly cause pain for someone else you care about is not an easy thing to do. But you must forge ahead with an eye toward healing – for everyone. It is knowing that we have found the one with whom our soul connects. Granted, she told me a month ago that there had been no desire or intimate activity since she met me. He’s the one driving her to do her shopping and then carrying her bags while she shops. The situation is much more nuanced and sophisticated than it would appear some of the commenters are able to process. Handling an emotionally difficult situation with grace and elegance rather than clumsy self-absorption requires care and precision. In order to come on the other side of the experience with your self-esteem intact and any sense of dignity will require patience and fortitude. Anyone who looks at an affair with a simplistic “black and white” filter is doing a disservice to the human spirit… The few people who share your most exceptional characteristics are your tribe, the population that is most likely to contain your heart's partner.I suggest that you should be pickier, less accepting and more committed to the "bad attitude" that will make you seek people who are extraordinary in the same way you are.Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this "statistical mass" logic. I would encourage anyone who wants to find a soul mate to follow these three steps, which I call "The Other Rules."1. Women who are willing to hide or detach from their real selves in order to bag a man often seem to believe that the right guy will give them a sense of identity and self-confidence. Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you've never seen. This is also the part of you that could easily be mixed and matched with the largest number of potential mates.I've seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. Next time you're feeling fretfully single, try exploring your own nature: Write down your favorite foods or colors or songs or books or sports. Embark on a voyage of self-discovery for its own sake and because it is on that journey that you are likely to bump into the perfect traveling companion.2. The single women I know are frequently advised, "Stop being so picky," "Have a better attitude," and "Lower your standards," perhaps to the point where they'll date anyone with a penis and a pulse. The skinnier upper end represents your greatest gifts, the areas where you are most talented and extraordinary.
"Oh," conventional rule-keepers might exclaim, "you'll have to spend some nights alone! Your pool of candidates is much smaller at the high-quality end of the bell curve, your chances of having no date on Saturday much larger if you refuse to go out with men who bore or repulse you.Granted, they were with several of our mutual friends. We’ve discussed “taking a break” after January (which will still give us time to experience some things we already had planned). Everyone involved, on either side of the equation, is involved in the journey together whether they like it or even acknowledge it. We’ve talked about what that looks like (no contact or just greatly reduced contact? Ostensibly it is to give her time to tend to the details of unraveling her current long-term relationship. At this point, it appears that things are better all the way around, for all concerned. I keep updating this in hopes someone who reads it will gain a little more insight and receive the benefit of my experience. I realize that life is messy and sometimes we get ahead of ourselves. Especially your future relationship should you choose to move forward with it.
We’ve sat through some difficult conversations with people (read: family) that has been affected by everything. They’ve been living together for about a year now, too. Take care of your business, end any pre-existing relationships before starting another.
We’ve been in counseling both individually and together. Her ex-husband has moved on with a new relationship.